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Eustacia · Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 3:20 pm Post subject:

I'm done reading - no, not the Yellow Pages, the Night at Nottingham Castle! I liked George a lot, as well as the two ladies who are coming to visit ("That's what I have asked Ms Austen for a hundred times and never received a satisfactory answer!" - hilarious!). But it's a teaser, the good stuff is only mentioned in side-comments, that's so unfair Crying or Very sad

Though I see the author's reason - with her approach, she actually got to finish her story, while what I'm trying to do here is becoming an epic! Wink

Oh, and another criticism: in her story, George is wearing way too many clothes...
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njf61 · Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 5:34 pm Post subject:

yea, it is quite a bit of a teaser, isn't it...poor George, at least in your story, he's getting out of all those clothes...
and don't feel too chained to your computer, even with us beggars after you all the time!! Laughing

It just shows how good your story is. All good stories/novels have to have that good hook in that first chapter to get the reader, and yours did. (course it helps that we're in it! self centered bunch, aren't we?)
I've been reading quite a few so-so books lately, and a few I haven't even finished, or I have, and then promptly forgot them. they didn't really have any hooks.
Now, I've started my daughter's series "Twilight" (a vampire series--who woulda guessed?) aimed at teenagers, but she devoured them one after another, almost one per day, and is waiting the next. Supposedly there is a movie on the way... OK, but I think I have the attitude, "oh this is for teenagers, so I won't love it"
I wish I wasn't hooked on fan fiction, I guess it's the familiar characters, plus the Alan thing! Wink

and, I've started reading some House fanfic, but not as into it...
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Eustacia · Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 1:07 pm Post subject:

Ooh, I love vampires, have to check that out. I don't mind that it's for teenagers, Buffy was for teenagers, too, Harry Potter started out with ten year-olds as the target group, and the good stuff is in the fanfic anyway Twisted Evil

Speaking of fanfic - have I mentioned that I just sent out Ch. 5 to my fabulous beta Semp?
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Marie · Rickmaniac Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 922 Location: Sweden

Great news! You are a fast writer! Hope you don't feel too much preasure from us Divas though.

jacksl · Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 9:14 pm Post subject:

OOhh!! Can't wait!!!! *Tapping fingers on the desk*
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njf61 · Posted: Sun Apr 20, 2008 12:15 am Post subject:

Eustacia · Posted: Sun Apr 20, 2008 11:31 am Post subject:

I'm not normally a fast writer, but there's so much of this story already in my head that at the moment I just write it down. However, as you'll see when you read the chapter, something's getting in the way of all the reading of the yellow pages (that's become a universal metaphore now?): the plot!
So updates might be a bit slower when I actually have to think about what I'm doing Wink

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Marie · Rickmaniac Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 922 Location: Sweden

Oh, is there a plot? Laughing

Just kidding, as much as I enjoy the yellow pages, I am really curios about where the plot is taking us next. But I have to be honest, right now is doing some dirty things with Brandon pretty much all thats in my head... At least my fictional self is getting something Laughing

Eustacia · Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 8:28 pm Post subject:

Just a short update so you don't think I'd forgotten you: Semp and I are finished with Chapter 5. However, I'm not posting it yet because madam is trying to create a restricted section for the smut, er, I mean, the adult literature, and the three of us feel that the latest chapter of this story belongs there (thinking about it, some general discussion threads had better be in the restricted section too Mr. Green

). To be honest, it had never occurred to me that Alan could have fangirls that young... again, I've underestimated him! Embarassed

So I'm asking you for just a little bit of patience.
Thanks!
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Eustacia · Posted: Thu May 01, 2008 12:16 pm Post subject:

As patience is none of my virtues and I know from my previous experience as a writer - and reader - of fanfic, a wait that lasts too long can literally kill a story, I've decided to post a "light" version in this thread, which isn't worse than anything I've posted so far and qualifies for an R rating.
I'm going to replace it with the good stuff when we get our own forum. Hope that's ok with you Divas Wink

Chapter 5: Invasions

Author's note:
I am eternally in the debt of my beta goddess Semperaevitas. Lady, I would send you ten chocolate-covered Alan clones every day if I could!!! Thank you so much.

"It's huge. I have never seen anything like it," George said with unveiled admiration. "I have no concept about how it works, but I want to try it."
I smiled inwardly. I did not need a lot of luxury, however, when it came to my bathroom, I was a total victim of consumer culture. Water had always been my element, so the bathroom was my favourite place to relax after a tough day at work. I had spent a lot of time on refurbishing and decorating the bathroom exactly the way I wanted it. It was my personal spa, my refuge, and George had every right to feel honoured that I was sharing it with him. Besides, Harry was right – he neeeded it.
The bathroom was warm but pleasant. The jacuzzi had been filled and scented candles cast a soft glow about the room. I did not remember having done any of this but, I had to admit, that with all these men in the house I was beginning to question my memory. Maybe Marie had prepared the bathroom for the Colonel and herself? Suddenly a different vision flashed before my eyes; George's body immersed in the whirlpool, water dropplets glittering in his dark hair like beads of glass.The very thought of that image made me catch my breath. The calming scent of the candles, the soothing flicker of candle light helped me retain my composure however.
"I'll be downstairs," I said. "Just lie down and relax."
The Sheriff arched an eyebrow at me. "Do you want to kill me?” he pointed to the jacuzzi. “The water is boiling",
"No, it isn't," I said. "The temperature is well below boiling point. This is a jacuzzi. It jets water and air bubbles into the water’s surface from different angles of the bathtub."
He frowned. "To what end?"
I shrugged. "Eliminate stress? Make you feel comfortable?"
"Jacuzzi! Bloody Spaniards, invading our country." George murmured angrily.
"Italians," I corrected him. "And you're going to love it!"
He was still skeptical. "I doubt it."
I sighed. "Okay, if you don't want the jacuzzi, I'll show you how to use the shower. See, this is where you turn on the water. And this small control panel is for shower spray functions, halogen lighting, temperature, foot massage…"
He arched an eyebrow at me. "Don't you have any servants to do that?"
I grinned. "Alright, so there is a downside to this invention. Look, I know it's all very different from what you're used to. I can't begin to imagine what it must be like for you… never mind, just turn on the water to start."
He stared at the water raining down miraculously from the ceiling of the shower cubicle. "You can make it rain at your command. You are a sorceress," he said admiringly.
"No," I disagreed. "Nowadays, everyone can do it; it's got nothing to do with magic. Just try using the panel, I'm sure you'll soon get the hang of it."
I pushed another button, and the cubicle was filled with soft blue light and soothing instrumental music.
George jumped. He seemed to expect to find an orchestra hidden behind my shower cubicle.
I giggled. "Relax, it's a recording. Remember the TV in the living room? Britney? About the same thing." I turned towards the door. "Why don't you have a shower while I fetch you some towels? You can leave your weap… I mean, you can leave your clothes here on the floor, I'll give you a pair of jeans and a sweater that belonged to my ex." I tilted my head quizzically. "You don't happen to know if your clothes are machine-washable, do you?"
He shrugged.
"Never mind. I'll try a wool-wash cycle."
As I was walking out I caught a glimpse of George shedding his cloak and unbuttoning his coat. Maybe I should leave the door open for his own safety I thought, just in case he slips on the tiles and falls? Then again, if I stuck around any longer, he might never take that bath. I left the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I gave George enough time to strip and enjoy the shower while I got some towels from my bedroom.

I sensed that something was different in my bedroom but I had no idea what. Wait a minute. Where was my carpet? The carpet was gone! Not that I didn't like parquetry but my carpet was cozy. Had Tybalt attacked it with his rapier? Had Severus cut it to pieces and added it to a potion? I needed to have a word with the men. Making themselves at home in my house was one thing but taking away my things was an entirely different matter. I wanted my carpet back. However, I had another mission to complete first. I knew that this was the best opportunity to confiscate George's weapons and store them somewhere safe.
*

With her heart pounding, Marie waited for the Colonel's next move. He took his time smoothing the scarves with his hands. She could not help but notice those beautiful hands. He ran the silk scarves over her bare arms slowly, teasingly.
For a long moment neither of them spoke.
Brandon gazed at Marie with an unfathomable look. Why was he just sitting there? Something about his eyes was not right. Instead of their usual melancholy, there was something roguish in them when he smiled, something savage trying to break free. It was as if he was under the influence of some mood altering draught or narcotic. Her heart skipped a beat. What if he decided he was still upset about her little lie after all? What if there were some side-effects to that spell? What if she had misjudged his character? Uh-oh. But he was no stranger, was he? He was Colonel Brandon, her Colonel Brandon!
"Christopher, please," she said, with just an edge of panic to her voice.
"Please?" he repeated thoughtfully, as if trying to decide what to do next. "Please what, my love?"
'My love'. He said it so affectionately. Someone who called her his love could not be that bad after all. "Please… kiss me?" she asked tentatively.
"Close your eyes," he commanded softly.
Marie was happy to oblige now that she’d finally received a reaction from him. She closed her eyes. Her lips parted slightly expecting another one of his kisses. Instead, she felt the mattress give way under his weight as he lowered himself onto the bed. He covered her body with his. She felt the strong muscles of his inner thighs as he straddled her. Marie was just about to sneak a look at him when she felt his hand gently cup her face. "Keep your eyes closed," he said in a low voice close to her ear. His lips brushed along her neck sending shivers of excitement up and down her spine. He lingered for a moment at her jugular, running his tongue over her sensitive skin playfully. Marie gave a small, nervous laugh. She could feel him sliding slowly down her body. His mouth found her cleavage. She could not help herself, all of her senses were over-acute, she had to see him, to watch him as he kissed her. She opened her eyes. What she saw made her gasp. Christopher's lips had reached the top button of her blouse. His lips parted and he took the small button between his teeth. As he caught her gaze, he bit down on the button and gave it a tug. With a tearing sound, it came off revealing more of her flawless skin. He dropped the button and moved on to the next one, then the third, then the fourth.
"Colonel Brandon," Marie said with a mock-shocked expression. "Don't you think this is quite unfair, given that you are still fully dressed?"
"My only concern is to oblige my lady," he said softly, looking at her with an expression worthy of any villain in the house…

*

The first grey light of day crept through the window, and Christopher saw Marie's face illuminated in it.
She had collapsed onto the bed beside him, basking in the afterglow.
"I have a confession to make," he said, catching his breath.
Marie curled up next to him, popped an elbow under her head and looked at him attentively.
"I may have accidentally swallowed one of those buttons," he chuckled.
Marie giggled. "Doesn't matter," she finally managed to say. "It's not like I'm ever going to wash it again now that it has your scent on it." She kissed the tip of his nose affectionately.
He tried to put his arm around her when he realized he was still cuffed. "Would you mind terribly…?" He asked, nodding at his hands that were cuffed to the bedframe.
Marie blushed. "I have to make a confession too," she admitted. "I don't remember where I put that key!"

*

I took the towels to the bathroom. The water was still running but the shower cubicle was filled with steam so I couldn't make out George's silhouette. His clothes lay in a discarded pile on the floor and, on top of the pile, there was his sword. With a pounding heart I crept into the bathroom and grabbed it. Now where was the dagger? I searched his clothes with fleeting fingers and was so absorbed in the task that I did not hear the splashing of water behind me, nor the sounds of wet feet on the tiles until it was too late.
He lunged at me knocking me to the floor so quickly I dropped the sword. He pinned me down under the weight of his body, his right hand at my neck.
"Are you looking for this?!" George snarled. I winced as he pressed the dagger against my throat, his eyes blazing with rage.
I swallowed hard as a small trickle of blood ran down my neck. "So you decided to give the jacuzzi a shot, after all," I said, trying to keep the panic out of my voice.
"I knew I could not trust you," he said, pressing the blade harder against my skin. "A stupid man would have left his weapons with his clothes but not the Sheriff of Nottingham, no. I have many enemies and it was not trust that has kept me alive until now." His wet body and hair were slowly soaking my clothes. I shivered, half from the cold, half from fear. I did not dare to struggle; even the smallest of movements could have driven the dagger deeper into my flesh. He was tense and all wiry strength as he kept me pinned to the floor. Under different circumstances I would not have complained about my position but his eyes were so nervously darting around that I was beginning to worry. "I bet you are sorry now about trying to betray me."
"You misunderstand me," I pleaded. "I wasn't trying to betray you. Listen, why don't we calm down a bit and talk about it?"
"You are in no position to bargain here," George replied coldly. "I should cut your treacherous heart out woman!" He moved the blade down my chest.
"Wait," I said desperately. "You need me!"
"What would I need you for?" he said condescendingly.
"I'm a powerful sorceress," I lied. "And you, George, you are both clever and ambitious. If my house entered into a union with the house of Nottingham, our offspring could rule the country. Think about it my lord."
He hesitated and for a moment, I could see both greed and lust for power flash in his eyes. Slowly I reached up to stroke his hair. "I could give you everything you've ever desired," I whispered seductively, trying to keep my voice from shaking and watching the hand that held the dagger from the corner of my eye.
"Why would I believe you?" he inquired with less resolve than before.
I slowly ran my fingers down his arm. Closer, and even closer. "You saw right through me before, my lord. You would know if I were lying wouldn't you?" Just a little closer, I would have to move just a little…
"True," he conceded. "We could rule the country."
"Not just the country," I said. "Why not the whole world?"
"The world," he said thoughtfully.
I could tell from the way his eyes glazed over that he liked the idea. My fingers clutched his wrist but he still held the dagger firmly in his hand and, goddess, he was stronger than he looked. I would have to distract him if I wanted to have a chance at disarming him.
"The world will not be able to resist you, it will fall to your charms," I whispered as I ran my free hand down his chest. "Just like me."
He gasped.
I arched against him shifting under his weight.
"Shall we cement our union now, my lord?" I asked. While George's grip grew weaker with each moment my fingers closed around the handle of the dagger. "Infinite power," I whispered and he moaned into my ear in anticipation. My grip tightened. "Gods, George," I sighed. He was trembling. I was one step away from wrestling the dagger from his hand when…
"EXPELLIARMUS!"
The dagger flew from our hands. George shot up into the air and slammed against the nearest wall where he collapsed on the floor motionless.
"Incarcerous!" Ropes appeared out of nowhere tying the Sheriff up in a bundle.
Severus Snape swept into the bathroom like an angel of vengeance. His eyes blazed with hatred and fury as he pointed his wand at his victim. "CRU…."
I picked myself up from the floor faster than I would have given myself credit for and threw myself between the raging wizard and the dazed Sheriff.
"No," I objected harshly.
For a moment he glared at me as if he was going to cast this spell regardless of whether I was standing in between him and his target or not, but he pushed me away unceremoniously and aimed at George again. "CRUCIO!"
Searing, excruciating pain shot through the Sheriff. He tried to rise but his knees gave way and he tumbled back to the floor, tears streaming down his face. The pain was obviously intense.
"Stop it!" I screamed, "You're killing him!"
Reluctantly, Severus let his wand sink.
"George!" I exclaimed. George showed no sign of movement. What if he had hit his head? What if he needed medical attention? I rushed to his side and cradled his head in my arms. "George, talk to me," I said urgently.
George's eyes snapped open. He tried to speak but no words would come out.
I glared at Severus. "Out," I said harshly.
"We need to talk," he said furiously.
I ignored him and stroked George's hair soothingly. "Are you hurt?" I asked with concern.
His eyes traveled across the bathroom, lingering for a moment on Severus. Then George turned his head back to me and replied in a hoarse whisper: "He… is… going… to… PAY!"
Severus seemed unimpressed by the threat. Instead, he pulled me to my feet forcefully gripping my arm so tightly I was sure it would show bruises in the morning. "Come on," he said impatiently.
"I'm not going anywhere. I need to look after George," I protested.
"He'll live," Severus spat. "Although that is more than he deserves. Come with me!" He dragged me out into the corridor, slamming the door behind us.
I was shivering with cold and anger. "You had no right to do that," I chided.
"Oh, forgive me for saving your life," Severus said, his voice laced with sarcasm..
"You didn't save my life," I corrected him. "I was totally in control!"
"Yes, that was quite obvious," he retorted, looking me up and down with a condescending glance. "And when exactly were you in control, when he held a dagger against your chest or when he was trying to rape you?"
"He's not that bad, I can handle him!"
Severus scoffed at this, barely stifling a laugh. "The way you handled Rasputin? Every time I come up here, I find you half-naked with another one of these pathetic excuses for grown-up men who are absolutely beneath you. You’re lucky I was around!"
"I'm not half-naked, just wet." I protested so vehemently that I almost failed to notice the hidden compliment in his words. I blinked. "Do you really think I'm above them?"
"Fortunately, that is not very difficult," he said.
I put my hands on my hips challengingly. "What were you doing up here in the first place, huh? Spying on me?"
"In an act of self-preservation, yes. Sadly, my return to my own life depends on your well-being," he said stiffly. "When that filth that calls himself a Sheriff walked into the kitchen, I noticed the look in his eyes. I knew he was up to no good, so I followed you. I expected you would be ill-prepared for an assault and I was correct."
"You can't keep up these invasions into my privacy, Severus, and you can't go playing my nanny all the time," I said angrily. "I can very well take care of myself. And even if I couldn't, that wouldn't give you the right to cast Unforgiveables in my house!" He was mildly surprised that a Muggle knew about Unforgiveable Curses. "What? You thought I didn't know what you were doing to George? Really, Severus, I never expected you would sink so low as to torture someone! I will not allow you to do that again. This is my house and these people are my guests! Do you have any idea how you make me feel by breaking the laws of hospitality in my house?"
"I do not care in the least about your feelings," Severus said in a sharp tone. "And you would do well to concentrate on more pressing concerns. You have to be more careful, Eustacia," he said urgently. "It might look like fun to you to be the queen of a ship of fools but some of us have places to be!"
I glared at him. "And so do I!" I made to descend the stairs but Severus followed me.
"No, lady, you and I are having a conversation! You are not backing out of it this time!" he protested.
"Put me into detention!" I retorted.
We had reached the foot of the stairs. I stalked into the living room.
Severus grabbed my arm and whipped me around. "You will listen to me," he said so sharply that I bit back a reply. His eyes were intense and cold. His voice was dangerously calm as he spoke: "You seem to be labouring under the delusion that the whole universe revolves around Eustacia Vye but it does not. I regret to inform you that contrary to your beliefs you are not God's gift to men. You are a pathetic hobby witch desperately trying to ‘get a life’. Instead of fooling around you ought to concentrate on the mission your careless spell gave to you and find yourself some unlucky bastard to fall in love with so that we can all leave!"
I was trembling with rage. How did he dare to speak to me in that way in my own house and in front of my guests? Without really thinking I reached for a book on the shelf, opened it to a random page and tossed it on the table in front of him. "Newsflash, Professor," I yelled. "I can't fall in love with you – you're not REAL! You're a character in a BLOODY BOOK! A woman called Joanne K. Rowling invented you and my magic made you come to life! MY magic, yes, exactly! Quidditch, Muggles, Hogwarts, Voldemort - how else do you explain that I know everything about you and the wizarding world?"
Severus froze. "You're lying."
"Yeah, right, I'm lying! Check the book if you don't believe me!"
Reluctantly Severus picked up the book. It was opened at a chapter entitled:
Spinner's End.
He gazed at me doubtfully then began to read in a bored and uninterested tone. "Many miles away the chilly mist that had pressed against the Prime Minister's windows drifted over a dirty river that wound between overgrown, rubbish-strewn banks…" He shook his head. "This could be virtually anywhere in England."
"Go on, read it," I challenged. "You'll want to turn the page."
"'Let's go, Bella!' snarled…" He blinked in confusion, "… snarled Narcissa and she drew a wand from beneath her cloak, holding it threateningly in the other's face. Bella merely laughed. 'Cissy, your own sister? You wouldn't-' – 'There is nothing I wouldn't do any more!' At last Narcissa hurried up a street called Spinner's End, over which a towering mill chimney seemed to hover like a giant admonitory finger. " He let the book sink. "What kind of trick is this?"
"I told you, it's a book. Fiction. Invention." I crossed my arms in front of my chest and said triumphantly: "Your birthday is January 9th, you were in love with Lily Evans, you are a double agent, but your true loyalties lie with Albus Dumbledore, you do your best to hate Harry Potter because he is the son of your arch-nemesis, James Potter, you think he ruined every chance you had with Lily, but you managed that all alone, shouldn't have called her a Mudblood, don't you think? But you have sworn to protect her son with your life, you've been teaching Potions for, say, 16 years, you can teach them how to bottle fame, brew glory --- I know everything about you, Severus Snape, because I have read it all. You are fictitious, and the only life you have is the one I gave to you!" I was breathing hard. The little speech had exhausted me but I felt better now that I had that off my chest.
Severus, however, was looking at me with utter shock. Then, without a word, he stormed out.
Tybalt, Harry and Rasputin were staring at me accusingly.
"What?" I snapped.

TBC…

More notes:
The direct quotes (in italics) are from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by Joanne K. Rowling.

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jacksl · Posted: Thu May 01, 2008 9:30 pm Post subject:

You are wonderful Eustacia!!!

You really should look into getting this published!!
(I know there's a few copyright issues to sort out, but it would be great if you could!!)
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Marie · Rickmaniac Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 922 Location: Sweden

I agree with Jackie, this really should be published!
This "clean" version is very sweet.

And, Brandon - you can swallow my buttons anytime!I wish Alan really were cuffed to my bed! Twisted Evil

Eustacia · Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 11:10 am Post subject:

Aww, you're sweet!
If I ever tried to get this published, I would probably spend the rest of my life among lawyers negotiating the copyright issues... But I love the idea - I'd sell the movie rights and get Sharon Maguire to direct. I would feel a bit sorry for Alan though, he'd have to revisit all those old ghosts, sit in make-up for hours to turn into characters that are younger than he is now (we'd probably have to find a double for Tybalt), and spend most of his screen time shouting at himself or his stunt double... then again, it might not be such a hardship, considering all of his amazing co-stars.
Oh, please, don't get my mind to work along those lines...
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Eustacia · Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 3:05 pm Post subject:

Just a short question: now that I've moved this story to the adult section, are there any readers who are not yet 18 and would wish me to continue posting "censored" chapters with a lower rating that do not include any adult material? If so, please let me know. However, some of those chapters will be kinda short Wink

If there's no demand, I'll only post in the adult section.
Thanks!
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-->A.R.<--Fan · Diagnosed Joined: 27 Oct 2007 Posts: 192 Location: Indiana

If it's not too much of a hassel, I am under 18 and would love to keep reading!
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it's probably because the way my face is put together."--Alan Rickman
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